It’s all about MINDSET! (Both yours and theirs)
Nobody Said Parenting Was Going To Be Easy.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Mindset as:
1: a mental attitude or inclination
2: a fixed state of mind
The Oxford Dictionary defines Mindset as:
1. a set of attitudes or fixed ideas that someone has and that are often difficult to change
Carol Dweck (author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.) defines Mindset as:
“Mindset is a self-perception or “self-theory” that people hold about themselves.“
There are essentially TWO types of Mindset: Fixed and Growth.
An individual with a Fixed Mindset believes that what we are born with is fixed in place. Meaning, we are either smart or not. We are funny or not. We are athletic or not. Those with a Fixed Mindset are prone to NOT taking chances. They will avoid challenges and possible failures. This Fixed Mindset will severely limit their possibilities of growth and learning. It will limit their lifelong experiences.
An individual with a Growth Mindset believes that these attributes are NOT fixed. They believe that through work, practice, commitment and perseverance they can, in fact, grow. If they think they are currently not smart - they believe they can become smart, become funny or become athletic through working at it. This mindset will lead to a life of embracing possibilities. It will open up a life of taking on challenges and new experiences.
As we’ve talked about before (and will continue to talk about) WE MUST BE GOOD MODELS for our children. It truly would do no good to tell your sweet little nugget that they can do anything, if we do not believe we can do (even) some things. WE must model a Growth Mindset. When WE are faced with a challenge, WE must not give up. When WE are given an opportunity to learn (even though it may be difficult) WE must take that opportunity and run with it.
I have known many…(and I do mean MANY)…adults with a Fixed Mindset. When they are faced with something outside their comfort zone, they shy away from it. They make excuses as to why they can’t do it. “I don’t have the time.” “I don’t have the knowledge.” “I don’t have the resources.”
Now, these excuses may very well be true. They may not have the time, nor the knowledge or resources……YET. That is one of the MOST IMPORTANT words in our house - YET. “I can’t do it - YET.” “I’m not big enough - YET.” “I don’t know how to do that - YET.”
I will always have my child finish a negative sentence with YET. I’m trying to get them to develop a Growth Mindset.
“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment,”
Dr. Carol Dweck
The environment in which you grow up, in which you train or spend the majority of your time must be supportive. WE must create supportive environments for our kids! We should create space where we encourage our kids to constantly push themselves to their limits, to help them improve.
As opposed to an environment of constantly criticizing them. Or using negative language or belittling them. Even if you think it is in an effort to help them to perform better. We are limiting their ability to expand beyond who they are in that moment to someone BIGGER in the future.
This can also have nothing to do with our kids. This can also be narrowed down to YOU. What is YOUR MINDSET? Do you think there are certain things you will never be good at? Do you feel jealous when others do better than you? Do you enjoy getting out of your comfort zone? Do you enjoy challenges that you may not be familiar with?
These are all questions to ask yourself. Making a change to our own Mindset will pay off with our kids down the line.
Learn to “re-frame” mistakes. Mistakes happen to all of us. It’s how you address those mistakes that is important. Perhaps the mistake is telling you that something just isn’t right. Or perhaps you need to “re-frame” your goals. [We will talk about goals later…I PROMISE.] Shift your goals to something new. Be sure to keep a positive attitude. We are all hard on ourselves at times. That’s human. But, don’t be OVERLY critical. Use the experience to LEARN. VISUALIZE yourself succeeding in the future.
We may have all heard the saying; “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t you’re right.” There is absolute truth in this quote. If you truly think you can’t do “it” [ _____ fill in the blank; water ski, play chess, write a book, bench press 300 lbs] you are right! You can’t!!!!!
BUT, if you think you CAN do it………you are right! You can!!!!! Sure, it may not be immediate. You may not be able to do it YET (there’s that word again). But, through hard work, practice, commitment and persistence you WILL be able to do it!
MODEL THIS FOR YOUR KIDS!
MAKE SURE YOU CULTIVATE A GROWTH MINDSET FOR YOURSELF AS WELL AS YOUR CHILDREN.