5 minute warnings, tantrums & getting to bed.
Nobody Said Parenting Was Going To Be Easy.
Times are tough. In many different ways ….. times are REALLY tough. But, one way in which things have gotten just a but tougher is [Quarantine + Kids x Stress = OH MY GOSH!]
Getting kids to behave during “normal” times is hard enough. Now, add to that being cooped up in the house, not seeing their regular friends & taking away normal/regular activities and its a recipe for disaster. I’m talking Sylvester Stallone “Daylight” disaster.
So here are a few pointers for getting through the day with your perfect offspring.
1) 5 MINUTE WARNINGS
I’m telling you. My kids NEED a warning. They NEED to know that the time for them to transition to something else is getting near. Whether that is “time to leave”, “time to clean up” or “time to eat” kids need that time, that space for them to adjust their thinking to move onto the next thing. Giving them the time needed to switch gears empowers them to make the decision. So, instead of creating the fertile ground for rebellion, give them the space to feel in charge.
2) TANTRUMS
Tantrums are a symptom of BIG FEELINGS. Often our kids do not have the ability to regulate their emotions. Their feelings just get TOO BIG TOO FAST. And, our kids are often told that “negative emotions” are bad. They start to believe that it is only okay to have “positive emotions.” This is obviously not the case, otherwise we Moms and Dads would be living in BLISS 24/7.
Talk to your kids about emotions, good and bad. Let them know that it is okay to feel angry or sad or jealous. It’s a good idea to MODEL how to deal with your feelings so that they have someone to look up to in regards to their BIG feelings.
But, when it comes to the tantrum itself….it is best to ignore it. They are trying (sometimes desperately) to get a rise out of you. DON’T GIVE IN!
BUT, when they make the turn toward control - turn your attention back to them. Give them praise for “getting it together.” This will help stabilize the little monster and send them back on the path to normalcy.
3) GETTING TO BED
Routine baby…….routine, routine, routine. You’ve got to set up a GOOD, REGULAR, CONSISTENT routine. This will give your kids stability. Kids CRAVE stability. They CRAVE consistency. They may not have the vocabulary to tell you, but they need it. IT helps give them a solid understanding that things are normal.
The routine can be whatever it is you choose (within reason - I’ll go into that next). In our home, we get pajamas on after dinner. We snuggle up on the couch and watch a “show” for about 15-30 minutes. We give a 5 minute warning that the T.V. is going to be turned off at a specific time. Once that time comes….oh boy….the T.V. is turned off. Sure, there might be an immediate moment of whining…but this very quickly dissolves into compliance.
Make “Pre-Bedtime” a peaceful time. I do not recommend getting your kids riled up by wrestling, watching violent or exciting shows, loading them up with desert before bedtime. I know that “screen time” is frowned upon leading up to bedtime, but it works in our house. They don’t get much screen time throughout the day, so we think the 15-30 minutes is okay.
Here is a MAGIC word - PATIENCE.
PATIENCE.
PATIENCE.
PATIENCE.
Remember these little bundles of flesh (and love) just want to make you happy. But, sometimes it may be hard for them to carry out their desires. Have patience with them. Have patience with yourself and your wife. Be willing to FORGIVE & FORGET.
We will get through this …… and, honestly, before you know it …… your kids aren’t going to want to hang out with you. They will be asking for the keys to the car (but, soon self-driving cars will be the norm - and we won’t own cars anymore).
Enjoy this time with your kiddos.